The thought of bariatric surgery has been rattling around in my head since October 2019, when I had an acute arthritis explosion on my right knee. Couldn’t bear weight for days. Missed work, got xrayed and that was my introduction to arthritis with bone spurs. All because I went for a walk for exercise. Back to present- I had the gastric sleeve on November 3, 2021. The arthritis showed up on my spine and hips. Dr said it’s likely all over my various joints. I agree. I’m only 49. WT actual F? I know intellectually that younger people can have arthritis, but I never imagined I would be one. So when the pain got dang near unbearable, I decided surgery would be the next logical step. Arthritis meds weren’t enough, and carrying around 260 pounds wasn’t helping. Dieting didn’t work. For various reasons. My love of food and overeating this beloved food being mainest. So right now is day 9 post surgery. I’m not having much pain. Haven’t needed a pain pill in 2 days. But holy cow do I miss eating. I’m still on the 2 week post surgery full liquid diet. I’m not reaching my water goals. I’m probably not reaching my protein goals. The garbage protein water and protein shakes are just about unbearable at this point. Artificial sweeteners are gaggy. I hopefully get to progress to a purée diet after the 2 week check up on the 18th. Honestly I already freaking cheated. I chewed up a few bits of hamburger last night and a couple of small bits of a cookie. What does that say about my commitment to this journey? I feel super guilty. I spent a small fortune and time off work with no pay for this chance to be healthier and I’m not following the rules to a T. Today is not better. I cheated again. Ate a bit of bacon. And a chip of cookie. I wanted to have a small bit of a pork chop at supper tonight, and I didn’t. So there’s that tiny victory. It’s not that I feel like I’m starving, I don’t think. It’s just that the post surgical food choices are garbage. What a bullshit bunch of whining. First world problems at its whiniest finest. Gah. I get on my own last nerve.
I’ve been thinking about how much MORE short staffed the nursing home I work at is about to get because of the vaccine mandate, for Medicare/Medicaid funding to be stopped, if staff aren’t vaccinated. With all the welfare, child tax credits, and unemployment benefits available, we are minimally staffed already. Not enough people are willing to work, when there’s free money to fund them staying home. Or, there are much less stressful jobs aplenty. Some of my coworkers have already turned in their 2 week notice, and the vaccine mandate for health care workers is 1 day old. I haven’t turned my notice in yet, because I’m hoping things will change. I happen to be vaccinated so I won’t lose my job for that reason, but I will consider quitting when staffing becomes dangerously low. And that thought makes me feel like a shitty person. I don’t believe the vaccine should be forced on people that don’t want it. The flu shot is already a requirement to stay employed every year. I’m thinking I may reject the flu vaccine this year, and get a non health care job myself. A big part of staff quitting is that jobs are plentiful in my area right now. Many local businesses are running with minimal staffing, and trying to find warm bodies that will show up. I’m already working overtime every single week, and I fear it’s about to get SO much worse. As a 49 year old obese female with a bad back, I’m at the edge of what I can physically do. When staffing gets any worse, I’m probably going to quit too. I’m already picking up all the extra hours I can physically tolerate. And worst of all, this is going to leave the old people at the nursing home with inadequate care. So the vicious circle of guilt will keep me there working myself into an early grave. I love my job, but I also treasure my health, so what to do? Just thinking aloud. I hope this doesn’t sound like whining, just documenting what’s going on in my life on this day.